If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
