Midget sex pt 2 tonight
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
