Did you just see the Batmobile???
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
