His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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