I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
