Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
