You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Randomize
