She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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