Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
