You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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