i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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