State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
