I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
