foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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