they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
false alarm, still single
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
