see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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