kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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