She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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