Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
