The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
