So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
