Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize