I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
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