And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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