I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
