white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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