Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
They are going to name an STD after you.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
