we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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