I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
