I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
