Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
