he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
