have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
