Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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