Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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