I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
