from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
