Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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