I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
