he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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