I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
