I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
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I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
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You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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