u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
