your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
