I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
