The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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