So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
