Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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