My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
