Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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