The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
