what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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