you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
