Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
