i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
