Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
