thus making me awesome and them whores
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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