i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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