I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
