Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
