apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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