I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Randomize
