Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
