The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
